If you aren't sure, a simple "Thanks" is always appropriate. Why is the input power of an ADS-B Transponder much lower than its rated transmission output power? You … Supervisor has said some very disgusting things online, should I pull my name from our paper? Practicing empathetic listening, where you acknowledge what they're saying with your body language and encourage them to keep going, can be a helpful strategy. This thread is archived. Again, be careful, as it might sound rude or condescending. "Just make sure you’re doing it in a way that it’s still about the other person and what they have shared with you," says McBain. disclosing trauma seems to reduce distress, laugh or smile to attempt to hide their embarrassment. That takes them out of the conversation and leaves them with no control over the situation. Multiplying imaginary numbers before we calculate i. Thank you. Studies have shown that disclosing trauma seems to reduce distress in people who are carrying it, and of course, we want to be there for our friends when they're having a hard time. Just leave as quickly as you can. I bought a domain to do a 301 Redirect - do I need to host that domain? But if you want to give the impression that you knew it, then you would use it. New comments cannot … Whether something sounds bitchy or appreciative is much more due to tone of voice. And if you accidentally overstep that, you can make someone feel uncomfortable. In case this information is widely available and you have been previously informed on the specific info, your “thank you for letting me know” could sound sarcastic and bitchy, so careful… especially if it is your boss reminding you or highlighting something… maybe best check on this infor [sic] in depth before thanking for it! When someone tells me something I already know, I can get defensive. How should you respond to the apology from someone with a higher social status. Thanks for the info/information! “When someone does something to violate your identity, you might get angry. The number one thing that people want to know once they've trusted you with this information, McBain tells Bustle, is that "what they have told you has not changed the way you see them or how you feel about them." Learning about this person's trauma may be difficult for you because you care about them. Yes, you can use "good to know" when someone tells you something useful. Trauma is a complicated thing to process, and confiding about it to someone close to them can be a big risk. If you email someone you know or have already exchanged a couple of letters with, it may be appropriate to add some personal touch to it. ", While you may desperately want to solve this for them, you can't. Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers. But it can be good for them if you're able to communicate that you still love them and see them the same as you always have. When we ask someone to share their story, it can be an extraordinary ask. Is the empty set empty in all models of set theory? Oh yeah, thanks! What's the difference between “take it easy” and “take care” when you are parting from someone? “I want you to know that what happened wasn’t your fault. More casually, you could say. 60% Upvoted. Edited by Debby Mayne Thank you. If you want to sound a little more formal, you could use something like. Can I use it when say someone leaves a useful comment under my post? In that case you can take the advantage to improve yours: Yeah, I've heard about that! When you don’t give them any response, you take away their sense of gratification. site design / logo © 2021 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under cc by-sa. You need an "of": thanks for reminding me of that. I got an email from her saying she's had a "major family emergency." If the news makes you want to cry, or yell, or anything at all, it's important to save that reaction for a moment where it won't affect the person disclosing their trauma to you. Sometimes people who've been in therapy for trauma before have had bad experiences; not all therapists or counselors are created equal, and some can end up blaming or shaming the person they're supposed to help. However, if you have good intentions and use a polite tone, then it should be fine and you shouldn't worry. For example, you might turn the TV off and ask your kids to play in their room. In the moment of disclosure, people can be very vulnerable. Similar to remind as above would be. Of course, it depends on the the thing they talk about. "Don’t get overly emotional, even if the news is upsetting to you, as this is not helpful to your friend/family member," says McBain. Thanks! However, this shows that they either haven't learned proper etiquette or simply don't care.. We've all been asked rude questions that are no one else's business. rev 2021.2.12.38571, The best answers are voted up and rise to the top, English Language Learners Stack Exchange works best with JavaScript enabled, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site, Learn more about Stack Overflow the company, Learn more about hiring developers or posting ads with us. English Language Learners Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for speakers of other languages learning English. I was scheduled for a phone meeting with someone this afternoon. Your comment/response was (very) informative. The most valuable thing you can do, counselor Heidi McBain tells Bustle, is … But we can have many conflicting instincts in the moment of disclosure: to reassure the person, try to get them help, or dissociate from the experience ourselves. Thank you. Get involved in activities that they are less likely to be involved in. It’s a natural response when our humanity is denied,” says Tina Opie, a professor at Babson College. Walking in confidence is one mark of a person of integrity who knows how to respond in any situation in a mannerly way. What to say when somebody isn't interested in our product? Or they've put together a proposal, but it just isn't quite right. If you still haven't made your point, ... they will be less likely to keep teasing you. Is it really true that...blahblahblah? That said, I think they're all good, except number 3. Some people seem to think that they have a right to be rude and ask any question they want. Actually, I think any of the phrases could sound sarcastic or "bitchy" in a scenario as described above. Avoid checking your alerts and notifications while … Do I say something … Learning about this person's trauma may be difficult for you because you care about them. In writing, how to politely tell someone not to repeat something? However, there are steps you can take in the moment of disclosure to help the person who's revealing their trauma and give them the support they need. Validating your pain: "This must be so hard for you," or "I can't begin to imagine what you're going through." According to the Sidran Institute, it's estimated that around 70 percent of adults in the United States will be exposed to a traumatic event in their lifetimes, and around 20 percent of that population will go on to develop PTSD. Anyway, you should just hang out with them, and start out by asking them if it's okay if you tell them something personal. This can be a hard thing to feel in the moment, because trauma, even if it doesn't directly affect you, can be very challenging to process. In fact, it may be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to face. Being a Better Guide When Someone Tells a Story. Soon, you’ll see how others exert power over you, and you’ll no longer let them. Someone tells you they just can't find the app they need for what they want to do. When you do these things, it helps the other person feel loved and supported. If you have other friends who've gone through trauma and found help — or have found it helpful yourself — this may be the time to bring that experience into the conversation. Is it more helpful in any way to worship multiple deities? I want to send an email back offering my condolences or thoughts to her and her family, but what's the right way to do it? I know remind can be used when I already knew something before then someone would remind me in case I forget, but can it be used when I know it for the first time? Thanks for contributing an answer to English Language Learners Stack Exchange! Acknowledging that someone is being kind to you is a nice way to respond to a compliment. If someone says something that really upsets you, call them out on it or get a teacher involved. By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy. I'm thinking of the following but not I'm not sure: It seems thanks for letting me know might sound bitchy according to this answer on Quora. How does one wipe clean and oil the chain? Here are five productive ways to respond to people who seek your advice for free: 1. Most who try to ignore someone fail because they still give away that they are annoyed. Reddit, how do you respond when someone tells you something sad/personal? That was useful. It’s not only acceptable but encouraged to send these types of messages to your partner or spouse to let them know that you love and support them. You can show you care by giving a hug, sending flowers, writing a handwritten note or offering to mow the lawn or do the laundry. If mutual friends inquire about your behavior, just say you have been busy. Deep down, ... What I’ve learned is that my irritation is connected to the fact that the threat response in my brain has been activated. “Hello Jennifer, I hope you and your family are doing great. I think a simple "thanks" is polite enough. “Sending you thoughts of love and prayer to let you know that I am here for you.” This simple message can be very impactful when sent at the appropriate time in the grieving process. The best way to support your friend is by thanking them for trusting in you, and tell them that you're there for them in any way you can be. And if you want to be emphatic, there's nothing wrong with "Thank you very much!". This question is a way to break the ice and make you feel more comfortable during the interview process.However, some people might find this—and other interview questions about you—slightly stressful. Unfortunately, it’s also inevitable that we’ll all deal with this kind of situation in life. I (really) appreciate your comment/response. When someone says something that is slightly to totally TMI, how do you respond? I didn't know that. When somebody has revealed something very challenging, it's a mark of their faith in you. 7 comments. "good to know" is a great response -- as is "Thank you". Suffice it to say a lady (or gentleman for that matter) never asks and she (or he) doesn't need to tell. Stack Exchange network consists of 176 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. All rights reserved. Giving you a hug, embrace, placing an arm around you, or holding your hand. How to respond politely when someone tells you something useful? Listening, not fixing, being gentle, and speaking the truth with love and wisdom are four practices that can keep you from being speechless the next time someone opens up to you. How to respond when someone say “I hope it helps”. Sometimes you say "oh yeah" when you remember something that you should have known, or when something should have been obvious but you didn't see it at the time. So how do you actually ignore the bully? If the information is somehow obvious and it's likely that you already knew it, then it could sound sarcastic. If they're not in therapy, this is the one big thing you can do to make their life better: encourage them to seek help. And good to know seems okay when someone tells me something about themselves. They may even laugh or smile to attempt to hide their embarrassment or normalize the situation, but that doesn't mean they don't care about what happened; just the opposite. Then, keep a lid on your anger. We’d love to hear your thoughts. "Listen to what they have to say," she says, "and show empathy and compassion toward them and what they have been through." Does this ever happen to you? Technically, no, because they wouldn't be reminding you. Depends on the nature of the information that they're sharing: If it's a happy/sad general news that they're sharing about another event/person that we both are interested in, like 'Do you now John had a baby?' After Centos is dead, What would be a good alternative to Centos 8 for learning and practicing redhat? Understanding just how vulnerable the process of storytelling can be will make you a better guide when you are helping other people tell their stories. share. Do the violins imitate equal temperament when accompanying the piano? When someone asks you something personal, that's none of their business, what do ... Once they give me an answer then I'd say something like well if it were any of your business I'd tell you, but since it isn't I ain't. She or he does so by exhibiting dignity and self-assurance that others will not dare challenge. Opt-in alpha test for a new Stacks editor, Visual design changes to the review queues. How do I respond politely when someone tells me something useful? if they talk about funny you are suppose to hear it and if it is the thing you found funny you will smile or more laugh… If it is something serious you are suppose to hear attentively and then respond according to that…….. 40 views What is a common failure rate in postal voting? If you’re someone who doesn’t like bragging about yourself, these kinds of questions can be difficult to answer. How long was a sea journey from England to East Africa 1868-1877? She recommends the following script: "Thank you for sharing this with me so I can be here to help and support you so you won’t feel so alone. This is also a good, general response to a compliment, so you can use it whether it’s about your personality, appearance, or even work and successes. Thanks! If you know in advance they'll be telling you something personal, eliminate distractions and possible interruptions in advance. Typically in an informal situation in the UK - "Cheers" would often be an acceptable alternative to Thanks/Thank You. Therefore, it's likely that you know someone who may have been affected by trauma in their lives, who may reach out to you seeking support — and, thanks to decades of stigma around mental illness that prevents us from having a dialogue around it, you may be at a loss for how to respond. Your comment/response was (very) informative. You did whatever you had to do to survive.” “I am so sorry that you were hurt/mistreated/harmed.” “You deserve support. In an ongoing conversation about how to support friends who are struggling with their mental health, it's important to have an honest discussion about trauma, and how it affects all of us. Doubt in the Invariance Property of Consistent Estimators. Handling possibly unethical disclosures in letter of recommendation. Let us know what you’ve learned about responding to the hurts of others. The most valuable thing you can do, counselor Heidi McBain tells Bustle, is to show them that you're open to hearing it. When someone you love falls ill, gets in an accident or receives a scary health diagnosis, it’s never easy. You can say something like, "I'm really not ready to discuss this with you right now," or "I'm sorry you feel that way," or nothing at all. Sign up for your FREE newsletter! Can a computer determine whether a mathematical statement is true or not? How to Respond When Someone Insults Your Convictions. This person might be perfect for some consensual, detached, late-night fun, but you probably shouldn’t hold your breath for this person to take you out on a date. There are obviously two possibilities: Your colleague has greater knowledge. (maintenance details). Making statements based on opinion; back them up with references or personal experience. What does the "true" visible light spectrum look like? 2021 Bustle Digital Group. How to respond: If a hook-up buddy isn’t what you’re seeking, then make it … Thank you. save hide report. Your immediate instincts may be to go into "help mode," but the first priority in this scenario must be to make them feel heard and accepted. To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers. "Depending on culture, personal preference, and other factors, each of us has established what is acceptable proximity." Create Distance: Give yourself some space to get use to being away from the person. Others will tell you they really only need two minutes of your time (but two minutes easily turns into 20). ... 6 thoughts on “How To Respond When Someone Shares Their Pain” Pingback: Responding To Another’s Pain – thelifeididntchoose. 4. You can ignore the bully altogether. Is it correct to say you are talking “to Skype”? So thank them for doing it. Wait a few days or weeks before responding to calls and texts, and disregard personal invitations. "Stress the importance of therapy to them," says McBain. If your friend or family member strongly resists therapy for this reason or any other reason, McBain says, "give examples from your own life about how it was helpful to you, if possible." If someone tells you something that you already know, doesn't indicate your knowledge level is equal for given subject. "They are going to need a safe place to process this trauma on a deeper level with a trained professional.". This shows that you appreciate the effort they’ve made to make you feel good. Sharing their own reactions: "I'm so sorry, "I'm so angry," "I feel so helpless; I wish there was something I could do," or even "I don't know what to say." In your response, do the following: 1. But, if you’re looking for something to say, here are some ways to articulate that you care: “I’m here for you.” “How can I help you?” I (really) appreciate your comment/response. Notice that in the scenario, the information is "widely available". It only takes a minute to sign up. I have just entrusted you with something important, ... Tell me that you see how hard it is and that just carrying on is an accomplishment. For example, if your business partner was on vacation (you might have gotten an auto-email notifying about that), you can ask how it went. or 'Doe lost his job? How do the Express Lanes in California know how many occupants a car using the express lane contains? But if you’re looking for a relationship, the booty call is not the one to pursue. Overall, when you practice your answer, you want to tell a great story about yourself that you can share in no more than two minutes. How you respond to the “Tell me about yourself” question can set the tone for the rest of the interview. ... Tell that person you feel insulted. And good to know seems okay when someone tells me something about themselves, can I use it when say someone leaves a useful comment under my post? If someone is judging your food preferences or trying to convince you to take a bite of turkey or sausage stuffing when they know you don't eat animal products, an educational response … Now when someone tells you something bad or good going on in his or her life, you can respond with the compassion you would have liked to receive today.” I told her it might be a good idea to make a pledge of what she’s going to do, as Kari mentioned in her article. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. If you want to sound a little more formal, you could use something like. But with the right support, it can also be a wonderful experience. In writing, I think it would be harder to tell how you mean it, but in speech, it would be clear if you use a sarcastic tone. Saying “NO!” to covert verbal abuse first requires recognizing it.
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